I’ve been thinking…I’ve been thinking I’m tired and I feel
worn out. Life and its questions get us down. I’m noticing that feeling of
being weary to the core, as if my soul is pleading for rest.
And it is. For all I’ve learned in the past couple years
about trusting, God is showing me more areas I can and should trust Him more.
Not that He’s condemning me for not trusting Him – but His desire for me and
for all of us is rest. “Come to me, you who are weary and heavy laden, and I
will give you rest.” My heart and mind are restless with decisions and carrying
the weight of everyday responsibilities; He offers rest in it all.
I finally realized that I don’t need to “relax” and I don’t
need down time. I need real rest. Soul rest. His rest.
I was thinking about this in the car (sometimes drives to
and from work are the quietest, best times I have for contemplation and prayer)
this week, and part of Hebrews 12:3 slipped into my thoughts. “Lest you become
weary and discouraged in your souls.” That’s when I realized I was tired in my
soul. I thought about the beginning of the verse: “For consider Him who endured
such hostility from sinners against Himself…” Consider Him. He endured.
Consider His endurance. He has walked the weary road before us. Consider this,
lest you become weary and discouraged in the deepest part of you, in your soul.
I know I’m not the only weary one. I know there are many
weary souls out there. Many people close to me are weary, many people close to
you are weary. Maybe you are weary. We get tired, and for me, sometimes the
most tiring part of it all is trying to rest, trying to force myself to trust.
I feel like I’m not good enough when I’m struggling to
trust. That’s a hard problem – what do you do when you find in God’s Word that
He will help those who trust in Him and you just don’t have much faith? When it
feels like you’re trying to lift a boulder, straining with all your might in
your heart, trying to squeeze out an ounce of faith, and you’re not succeeding,
you may find yourself at a loss. What good am I if I can’t even trust? Why can’t
I overcome this anxiety or give my burden to the Lord? He tells us to cast our
anxieties on Him, because He cares for us. If we know He loves us and not only
gives us permission, but invites, even commands, us to give Him our anxieties,
why is it so hard to do it, and then leave the cares with Him?
I don’t have a great answer for that right now. I could say
we just don’t want to let go of fear or worries, but it feels more like they
won’t let go of us. What I do know is this: on my own I can’t trust.
I’ve been reading Ephesians lately. I even quoted it when
sharing some of my testimony in church. But as I laid here tonight listening to
a song, praying and hoping for trust, needing to rest, I thought of it, and was
corrected by it. Ephesians 2:8 says “For by grace you are saved through faith, and
that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God.”
Faith. Not of
yourselves. The gift of God. Faith is not something we create or decide to
have. It is a gift from God.
I’m asking Him for that gift. Like the blind man, I’m asking
Jesus, “Lord, help my unbelief.” It’s one of the simplest, most humbling prayers one can pray because it shows that he isn’t trusting the One
who cares more for us than we can ever comprehend. It shows our sin in our
restless hearts which refuse to rest in Him. It is also a prayer that causes
rejoicing in heaven, because it’s the prayer of a prodigal, returning home to
the heart that welcomes him into safety with a warm embrace. It’s an honest
prayer. It’s a raw, revealing prayer, allowing all that weariness to be clearly
seen. And what is clearly seen is no longer hidden and cannot hold us prisoner
to our own secrets.
If you are weary, tired, worn - come with me, boldly
approaching the throne of grace, finding help in our troubles, in our exceptional
worries and our everyday burdens. Let's ask Him to hold us up when we can't stand, guide us when we can't see, and give us hope when we only find despair. Let's ask Him for faith. And let's prepare to be amazed, because He “is able to
do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think.”
